2018,
I don't really know where to start with you to be honest. I guess I will start by saying that, the last half of the year hasn't been the greatest and there have been so many ups and downs but that is life, you know? Things happen. Yet I truly believe and have come to accept even more that, things really do happen for a reason. They happen to burst your bubble a little and they happen to move you along in life. To teach you to be even more resilient than you already are or to make you realise, just how strong you really are.
I hit a new milestone this year!
I remember myself telling everyone that I am so so excited for what the 30s has to bring. And they will always ask why? So I said, that this is the decade that you will probably hit most of your milestones in your life. Buy a house, get married, have kids - think about it. It's most likely going to all happen in this decade. I am also excited that many of my peers in their 30s usually already have a direction in life, have sufficient earning power and we don't have to worry 'too much' about wanting to treat ourselves to a nice meal or go on a short holiday etc. Basically, most people have a goal (be it big or small) in mind and have most of their shit together and it's really really nice.
Everyone who knows me will know I kinda hate the small talk. Conversely, I want to know what are your aspirations, who inspires you every day and all your deepest darkest fears. Share with me what makes you upset, what sparks joy in you and what are the things that absolutely melt your heart.
Went for my first convention trip to NYC this year w my team and it has been a wonderful experience. (especially witnessing your photo being screened on the Times Square Billboards) I mean, that has definitely gotta be a once in a lifetime moment eh? I'm so happy and satisfied that I braved through all the emotional turmoil the last 2 months of the year and pushed myself so hard because I can't wait to head to Madrid as well!
Had one of the best final moments with my love in the UK and Paris. This trip was definitely a bittersweet one for me. I spent most of the trip fighting with my emotions inside. In a way, I am so relieved we had a talk about it and got it all out of our systems. I guess I'm just the sort of person, that really values communication. Guessing what is on your mind the whole time, is an extremely tiring thing to do. And we were that couple, that talked about everything. My dreams, your dreams, my problems, maybe somewhere somehow, you stopped talking to me about your problems.
It wasn't the easiest I would say, to let go of the one thing in your life, that you could ever have pictured a forever with. Yet, I read a quote out there that said, "I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight is that we fear something so great won't happen twice." I guess, that was the fear I was holding on to and I don't intend to hold on to it anymore. Cos if we do not learn to accept truths, then we cannot learn to accept other opportunities that come your way as well.
Thank you though, for teaching me that you can ever love someone this strongly. To understanding that I was never looking for materialistic criterias and all I ever truly yearned for, was a true and genuine connection with someone. To look past all the bad and just see the good in someone. To believe and to trust fully and whole-heartedly. Like I said, there is never the 'right one'. The 'right one' is just who you choose to accept. And if that is not enough, then it will never be enough. And that's okay.
I also need to learn to accept that, some things will never go back to the way it was.
And it is. all. okay.
Then, something equally terrible happened to me in December. Which I do not want to mention here. But if you know, you know.
So yes, I knew that I am strong all along. But, I never knew full well the extent of my strength till 2018. And in a way, I'm thankful and proud of myself. For always remaining rational, cool-headed and calm in whatever situation I face. Be it in work, relationships or even life-threatening affairs.
Thank you to everyone who stood by me and for listening and just being there. I'm not someone who takes advice from others, ever, cos I always make my own choices. But thank you for just letting me rant and telling me that it is okay to be weak sometimes, to not always needing to have your shit together because we are all human. And I know that. And being human, means we all make mistakes, we all have emotions and that we are all emotional creatures. In one way or another.
For 2019, I hope to have more meaningful conversations with people in general. Existing people in my life, and people I have yet to meet and can't wait to meet. Definitely want to get my flexibility and stamina back so I guess that requires working out more. Make healthier food choices and fix my teeth in the meantime. I want to touch more lives and just, constantly motivate and encourage people because positive energy deserves to be spread around like butter and thrown around like confetti.
Here's to a better year ahead!
Here's to a better year ahead!
Xo,
Amelia
